Issue #11 - Curvature
I don't want to appear as an idiot, so I deleted some sentences I started writing this with. Maybe it's okay to be an idiot. That's sort of the point of this writing, isn't it? Idea discovery and becoming accustomed to generation in general. I am a person who needs to be creating things and exercising my creative potential. I want to create products, objects, artwork, writing, and music. That's simply how I feel! That, and the closest thing I would call an experience with God has always been found in the process of creation, true creation, creating an artwork, facilitated by Man (via his software, pen, paper, or anything I didn't produce), combined with purely internal drive, image, notion, or idea. Then driving that internality into the external world. And there will always be some amount of "noise", "feedback", accidents, or pure failures. Sometimes things look better imagined that in reality. Or sometimes I lack the skill to create what I had in mind. Or maybe the last 50% of the work could only be discovered through the process of the first 50%'s creation.
Nevertheless, I am here, and conscious of these types of things. I suppose that's why I feel okay. I know the failures abound, but also the beauty is in the imperfection(s). I have to be okay with that. It is a priori, it is not an opinion or trend, it simply is.
This morning, I wrote three pages for the first time in a long time. I didn't fuss getting out of bed, (well, I snoozed once for 10 minutes), then I ate a decent breakfast and got my things together. Last night, I stayed up way to late creating music. I guess that's okay. The end product was pretty decent, so I'm not upset or anything. That's all.
I hope that my continue struggle for position and love pay off in a grand way. And if they don't, truthfully, I believe that I should be okay too - in fact, I believe these two mindsets are one in the same. The individual with the least concern is always he who prevails in negotiation.
Things take time! Things fall apart! But we can, and will build.