Issue #2 - Mechanism
Mechanism - I am not a mechanical object.
What profound impact this observation holds! I am not mechanical, I am fluid. Therefore, I am liable to certain failures. Routine schedules do not work, unless it is scheduled maintenance. Routine involves mechanization of the soul, and it simply isn't me. I cannot do that. Next, non-linearities are involved. Routine eating causes diabetes and heart issues. Occasional fasting, nutrient dense food, vegan meals, lamb, etc. are more important than routine meals.
With that being said, I can function more like a computer than most can. This is to my advantage. Perhaps my identity of "computer" is a bit different in this post-Apple age - would someone from the 1960s really understand what that means? It's important that I continue to see computers and technology as devices for leveraging my internal creative powers. There is a way to configure your tech so that you're controlling it, and not vice versa. But still, I'm weak.
I don't mind, however. I want to continue what I'm doing to the best of my abilities. What I want is constantly shifting. I think that I have in my mind a certain target to reach, but I must clarify it more deeply. I read this book by Mandelbrot. He's constantly discussing his desire for his "Keplerian" moment, that he may make a discovery that is a proper first in its field. I don't really know if I relate. I feel like at certain times I have felt that desire, but it has always, upon further meditation, boiled down to ego-driven signaling. Do I care, or do I care what others care for. So what I care for is more simple. Am I helping others? Is this conducive to the improvement of my relationships (including with myself)? Is this something I could see myself doing for the next one-hundred years? Psychology, sociology, computer science, design, and most of all, reading, are all topics that I've clearly felt this way about. I am, above all, an Artist, and will continue to create Art.
Today, I'll go to the library and pick up some new reads. I think I'm going to try and get something more directed - something that will enable me to have direct action, rather than passivity. I'm thinking: a guidebook on a certain nearby place (read it then go there). A handbook to a new programming language. Any self-help book. Etc. I also want to keep in mind the fact that certain books do not draw my attention, and to understand that often resistances signal a trove of information. Do not cut off the extremities and remove all the important information!