Issue #9 - Bungee
Apologies to myself - I failed by not allowing myself to write this morning. I was exhausted and confused, I guess that sort of thing can occasionally happen. I am choosing to be empathetic to myself and just calm down and work on my own schedule. I understand two things. 1) I need to take care of myself, and this takes scheduling. 2) I need to take care of myself, and this requires non-scheduling. Actually, let's add a third. 3) Despite the apparent conflict, and despite the obvious difficulty, these things are compatible.
So, let's talk about how these things are coming together. Firstly, I am handling school - I had a rather harrowing conversation with my girlfriend about it, and I deciding during that conversation I should never complain about school again. I should either just get it done or quit.
I'm choosing to get it done. Part of that involves scheduling. I anticipated that I would have to spend this time right now doing homework, and I am blessed that I do not. So, that's amazing! In two or three days I'll check in and have a full school day, I think. So, then, I am now unscheduled and free.
Well, I have one piece on my schedule. I need to call my girlfriend tomorrow. I am still working on having a happy relationship in this way - I don't love playing video games or watching movies, but I feel like it's the sort of thing I can do for 20 more days until I'm returned to her, then we can appreciate more solid quality time together. I've learned something great: when love is solid, and both people put forth a strong effort, long distance relationships are possible.
What should I work on during my "unscheduled" time? There are several things I wish to conclude and focus on. I want to work on Devyn Smith's website, create beats for Nephi, launch the websites involving my own personal projects, continue writing poetry, continuing blogging, create more visual artwork (photoshop and physical), experiment with Zuzu's new camera, complete the walking tour, learn more about web design in general, complete some of these books that I now have (maybe there's a two for one there: one of my books is a sociological book, which would help me in school, a.k.a., scheduled time), and I want to be present with my friends, to help them clean or simply to hangout.
What I can't do, however, is none of that. I can't just watch Youtube videos aimlessly or veg around all the time. We have to be doing things. I think maybe tonight I'll try and get to bed a bit earlier than usual so that I can feel well rested and calmed in the morning.
Final point (I think). I decided, maybe on top of this blogging, that I will resume my habit of 3 pages each day. I've been doing it online instead, which is cool, but a bit of a drag. I don't want to look at laptop and start typing first thing each morning. That screen is far too blue. I'll conclude by saying that I hope I am able to maintain more self-love and continue to temper my desires and target my ambition. It's all love.